Post by priscilla abbi marshall on Sept 17, 2009 8:33:49 GMT -5
So last night, I talked to Devin. I told Wednesday I thought I should just move on, all he kept doing was leading me on and never asked me out even though he said
hey its d. PLZ answer. i broke up with my gf to go out with you. i really do like u a lot
It was a text message. But anyways, he told me he wasn't going to ask me out, because he doesnt ever want to hurt me and he knows if we dated, he would end up hurting me. I told him I knew he would, so many girls like him, and he likes so many girls and he smokes and he's just bipolar. And I don't know if I'm attracted to danger or what, but I love him, and I love him differently than I loved Michael. Michael was some childish crush that developed into stupid shit. Devin was like instant attraction and i think it took a while for us to realize it. He is so sweet though! He says he worries about me, and then he told me all about his past. About his families high expectations for him, and it's too much pressure. How he's hung with gangs, and he's done drugs and gotten into trouble with the cops, and blah. I could care less how bad he is for me, I've never felt this way about anyone! Not even joe jonas! I clung on to every word he said and told him about my past, about how last year all the shit with brittany (no offense, dear) lead me to cutting and being all suicidal, but hiding it with a ton of fake laughter and bitch attitude. I told him about how I tried to drown myself, and how I'm trying to quit cutting, and how I like hurting people (but i hate how I like it) and then I asked him why he told me all that. He told me he thought I might need to know. He was smoking while we were having this conversation, he informed me. Then he asked if he could go inside, basically asking me if he hung up I wouldn't do anything stupid, and I told him yes. And he told me,"and robyn, dont do anything stupid.well, not without me there. if im there, ill be able to save you. just dont, okay? i love you, i really do" and i said back to him,sobbing,"i know, i wont.i love you too" and he said "really?" and i said,"really." and then he told me "remember robyn, people love you. i love you" and i asked him if he would call me tommorow, and he said he would. and then he hung up and i cried for about thirty minutes, then wednesday called and asked me what was going on with me and devin "are you guys dating? is it over? what?" and i told her, it was hard to explain. and she yelled at me because that was the exact same thing devin had told her, and she asked again and i told her,"we ARENT dating and we ARENT over. we never started!" and then i was laughing and crying and hysterical. then we got off the phone, and I cried more and wrote some songs and started another book and then i finally fell asleep and dreamed of devin. pathetic right? sounds like some drama/romance/comedy/trajedy movie.
